It’s been a month….. More than… that I haven’t written anything. This feels bad. But I’m not giving up on this blog, so…
Let’s talk about surprises.
Surprises can be nice. Without a doubt. But surprises can also be unwelcome. Absolutely. But those are straightforward. What about surprises that are intended to be good, but never fully actualize?
Or they backfire.
These kinds of surprises are nice the first couple times.
Say you’re announcing your visit to a friend’s city after you get there. “Surprise!”
Or say you’re organizing with everyone else to pull off a party for someone who’s too passive to organize a birthday celebration. “surprise…!”
Or maybe you’re like me, and you try to pull off a dinner outing without telling people it’s actually your birthday! “Surpr–…” (I almost did do that once actually.) But you know what, morally, it wasn’t right. Morally… it wasn’t.
Think about the other party when such events like these happen. You’re visiting your friend in another city, and all of a sudden you decide to show up. Sure, it’s a blissful, nice turn of events for a moment, but when your friend realizes that their house isn’t clean, or they don’t have time in their schedule to meet with you, then…. you’re kind of shooting yourself in the foot.
Let’s suppose you have a friend who doesn’t organize their birthday celebrations for a reason. Either it’s not a big deal, or maybe it’s always so upsetting. Keeping them out of the loop… maybe it’s a good idea at first… but honestly if it happens year after year, it will become tedious for them.
Lastly, I come to my example. I organize a dinner gathering, but if people are to discover that the whole underlying reason for the gathering was to celebrate my date of birth, and they are ‘unprepared…’, people get agitated. Or you feel untrusted.
“Why is such a mundane piece of information… kept from you?”
And I know there are good intentions, but you really have to consider the other party. Take a moment. Take an actual moment. You don’t have to step in their shoes. You just have to step next to them. And that’s good enough. I don’t know anyone who would actively want activities and going-ons kept from them
Once in a while, there’s a nice reason. Once in a while, when it’s expected. But when things happen on a regular interval or basis…it’s not a surprise any more!
Or maybe what I’m saying is that… you can’t keep carrying out the same ‘surprise’ time after time… because… it’s no long a surprise. It’s… expected.
After that point, the surprise would be to not have a surprise. (Or the creative ones of you will lead on that there is no surprise, but where in fact you actually do have one.) But please… please… never overuse the element of surprise. Treat it as a card to play, only when it is not expected… (and only if, you have good intentions) and only then, after you have thought out everything and everyone’s point of view. Then… consider it one last time, if it is a surprise that is worth organizing.
A surprise should be something pleasant. Work it into a kind gesture, and never let it stress your relationship to someone. Any time you organize a surprise. You are concealing the full truth from someone. Be aware and mindful of that.
Never underestimate what you might be opening up when you start thinking of organizing a surprise.
That is all I have to say for now.